Giving
These are often the hands of the giver:
Good hands, caring hands, healthy hands. Hands that have known care, have been cleaned regularly. I have no fault with these hands whatsoever, for they are the result not just of good circumstance, but also good attention and good intent.
These, quite often are the hands of the receiver:
Weathered hands, often uncomfortable, no longer working like they once did. These are the hands of the homeless. They are both tangibly and metaphorically representative of the pain of the condition.
I worked on the Board of Directors for a homeless shelter for families here in my home city for five years. It gives a man perspective and one of the most important realizations is that the poor and the homeless are not a noble breed like you might meet in a Hollywood movie – although there are notable exceptions – but rather a fraternity of the lost and often forgotten in so many ways. They enter unbathed, often with health issues and substance abuse problems. Their educational level is low, their understanding of social interactions just as low. Some are thieves, some worse. Some are psychotic.
Many move from shelter to shelter during the cold winter – relatively cold, although much more forgiving here than in most of the nation – and they want to be in from the wet. But, when you get to know them, when you clear the stars or the condemnation from your eyes, when you get down to the real work of help, it becomes clear that there but for the grace of God and kind circumstance go I. And my family with me.
Many have opined that, if provided free housing, most homeless would not accept it. San Francisco tried this and found this to not be true. Housing with unattached strings is lapped up like a thirsty dog laps water on a hot summer’s day. Still, many will not go to shelters, because they do not feel safe. Their possessions, laughably meager to an outsider, is literally all they have and they say these possessions are stolen in unsupervised shelter circumstances.
No, these are people with very much the same emotions and needs to be filled that any homed person has. But, they have no viable pathway from their circumstance to being homed. Their life skills at so many levels are even more meager than their possessions. They can be inexplicably rude or inappropriate because many are already second generation, the children of neglect and abuse, never taught the niceties, having no idea how to budget their money when they get it, no idea what foods or habits are good for themselves or their own kids. Many are in chronic pain from bad teeth or illnesses never tended to. Usually, the path to defining success in their lives was to lower the bar until it was below where they found themselves.
Our shelter provided counseling services and curfews and standards. There were classes held to teach how to get a job and what to do with the money when they got it. They had to commit to releasing their drug and alcohol habits. They had to get their kids to school. They had to learn how to make it to appointments and to manage their time. In other words, they needed to learn all those things that never make it to the nether world of back alleys defining success as finding a place to sleep where the rain isn’t falling directly on you … and you don’t get shot or knifed.
For those who could get that far, they went from shelter living to transitional housing where they paid rent. They had to do their own grocery shopping, pay utilities, keep a vehicle going. Some were stunning success stories with kids going to college and graduating. Some were abject failures. Most were somewhere between. But all knew for perhaps the first time in their lives true belonging to something bigger than their immediate needs.
Because of this experience, I am proud to salute all the giving staff and support people that surround that shelter with their loving effort. I wish them all a very Merry Christmas and a most prosperous New Year!
This piece is part of the continuing Blogger’s Consortium series with simultaneous posts on the topic being done by Anu, Ashok, gaelikaa, Ginger, Grannymar, Helen, Judy, Magpie 11, Maria and Ramana. I will be as interested as any of you to read the great stories these fantastic writers will tell. This is part of their gift of giving.
To read more about the Family Emergency Shelter Coalition, begun by 29 churches (of no particular faith or denomination) in our community, please check out the FESCO web site. Also, know before you go, that this was never a conversion effort of any kind, only an effort to make as many unhomed into homed, in a way that will last, as is humanly possible:
http://www.fescofamilyshelter.org/
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Tags: FESCO, Giving, Homelessness
Absolutely mind blowing and totally unexpected treatment of the subject. I salute you Conrad for being part of this wonderful movement. Giving of one’s self in these circumstances by giving time and care is far superior to writing a cheque every year.
Rummuser´s last blog ..Giving.
Dammit, Conrad, that blew me out of my safe, little world! I have to go back and reread that, as it was so moving and then go read everyone else’s blog too but have so much to do today!
I would like to help these people and also abused women but have you noticed that the shelters are always in places that it scares the bejesus out of me to go to alone? Not making excuses but I really do not see a way around this. Also would love to volunteer to the animal shelters but I am not strong enough to do so – that would break my heart and you all would hear about the crazy old woman who adopted 75 cats and 150 dogs but couldn’t feed them.
Merry Christmas to all! We are so blessed, as Conrad’s article points out!
“..these hands are the result not just of good circumstance, but also GOOD attention and good intent…” That’s above the pic of the hands.
I’m worried. There’s a black growth below the little finger that could be melanoma, the highly incurable cancer.
Thank you, Ramana. But, having worked as fund raising chair for that organization for three years, I can tell you just how much those checks mean! They are not at all insignificant, because it costs a lot of money to do what we were doing and what they continue to do.
Flop and slop shelters are much less expensive.
Deb, it brought it home to me so tangibly, just how truly blessed my family is.
FESCO main shelter and transitional housing are not in bad neighborhoods at all, though. It is because of the full treatment rather than just warehousing. It is very expensive to do that, though, but the success is way beyond what is accomplished by only feeding and providing temporary shelter. We have produced well over 100 families going from total destitution on the streets, long term, to full self-sufficiency. And, once a FESCO family, always a FESCO family.
bhb, you are confused on the order of things. Even though it is above the pic of the receiving hands, it refers to the hands above, the giving hands.
The pic of the receiving hands indeed do not look healthy, for I chose a picture of an extreme case from the Internet to make my point and I also chose it for its anonymity. When reporting on the homeless, anonymity is often very essential. They do not like to be treated as though they are specimens in a zoo.
Conrad-Such an amazing story! I am supprised by the people in LBC. I think I have them pegholed and then someone won’t stay in the mold! Merry Christmas! I’m having to borrow my daughter’s computer in between my grandkids. It’s seems she doesn’t have wireless connection, so 4 of us are using one computer!
Judy Harper´s last blog ..LBC-Giving
Thank you, Judy!! But, now you have me intrigued, wondering how you had me pegholed! LOL
A community of homeless folks in Olympia banded together to form a tent city on city property. Just as the police were ready to move in and force them out, the church I attend the Olympia Unitarian Universalist Congregation offered church grounds as place to locate. This tent city now moves every 3 months from church to church in the area as local regulations do not allow them to stay in anyone place longer than that. I worked as volunteer host at the camp. I took this opportunity to engage in some conversation. There are many heart breaking stories. One young man had been working two jobs as a janitor. As he was on feet so long he began to experience significant problems with his feet and legs. Finally one employer suggested he give one of the jobs up before he reached the point he could not work at all. Of note, he had no medical insurance. With some reluctance he gave one job up as the employer he left was having some business problems. Within six months he was dismissed from employment again as the employer had to reduce staff. Within 3 months he was homeless as he could not maintain rent payments. So here is a young man, unemployed and living in a tent. Even if he finds a job, how long will it take for him to save enough money to be able to pay first and last month rent plus a security deposit? Once one falls into this situation it is very difficult to reach the point you can return to a life style of even minimum comfort. With 31 million workers unemployed, working part time when they want full time work and those who have simply given up on finding a job, our country has a huge problem on its hand that will not go away. I am very thankful that I have a good job and some opportunity to give back.
Don, when the economy gets worse as it has now, the homeless are composed of not just the people I am referring to in my piece. They are increasingly the lower end of the Middle Class falling off the ledge.
My concern is very much the same as yours. Once critical mass is reached, emerging from the depths is daunting at best and essentially impossible in many situations. You are talking of people with the life skills that the people to which I referred were lacking. The problem is that your people are employable and have been employed. They have dealt with budgeting money and dealing with life’s higher level needs. But, they are now in a corner from which they cannot emerge.
As bad as the situation is that I refer to, I really think that what you refer to is worse, both for individuals and for our nation as a whole. It not only makes it impossible for those who should be housed and gainfully employed, it also pushes the folks I refer to right out the back door of what even shelter help can viably provide. It is serious indeed. And it is heart rending.
And, to add to all this, at times like these, contributions to the charities are down. It is always the double-edged sword of recession for them.
Don, I’d like to add one more thing to what you said … thank you!
A person who has a sign of melanoma (most often fatal cancer) is not “an animal in a zoo”. I said I was worried.
Re-read what I said. Neither of your last two interpretations is accurate.
As I look at many issues that face this nation including homelessness I believe obtaining a good education is the key to resolving/reducing these in an effective manner. John Adams said this, ” Wisdom and knowledge, as well as virtue, diffused generally among the body of people being necessary for the preservation of their rights and liberties and as these depend on spreading the opportunities and advantages of education… it shall be the duty of legislators …. to cherish the interests of literature and the sciences” He wrote this as part of the Declaration of Rights in the Massachusetts constitution. When I see funding cuts for public education K-12 grades and 28% increase in college tuition in WA state and 32% in CA, I see more and more children with NO chance for a Middle class life style. It is a crime what they are doing in defunding education. By the way I was diagnosed with melanoma in 2001 and I am still here because I had access to good care. If I had been homeless, I most likely would be dead. These issues are totally linked to one another.
First, the issues of melanoma and homelessness are totally linked. One, you are more likely to get it because of exposure and two, you are more likely to die because of no health care. bhb, you are totally correct in seeing the threat. And, Don, I remember that bout with it that you had and I remember my fear for your health!
I totally agree that education is the key. The problem is not only the crime of underfunding, but the problem of the focus of the education we do give. We all too often do not teach so many of the things that a child will later need to be able to handle his or her life, life skills, but that does not mean that the academic should be avoided. I just think we need a greater integration of the two.
The Middle Class has been under serious assault since the 80’s in my view. Beside the level we are talking about, it is movement within the Middle Class that is the achievement of the American Dream. We need some serious social reexamination of priorities.
Working with homeless people is very different from what most people think it is. It requires changing your mindset about what you think they are and what they need.
That was a thought-provoking post, Conrad. I’ll be back to read it again.
gaelikaa´s last blog ..Giving
A lovely take on a lovely topic. It so nice to be a part of a consortium as diverse in thoughts, opinions and mindsets as this. Kudos Conrad on a job very well done! Merry Christmas!
Anu´s last blog ..Giving…
“Thank you, Judy!! But, now you have me intrigued, wondering how you had me pegholed! LOL”
Come on Conrad, don’t tell me that you really do not know! Stop looking for compliments.
Rummuser´s last blog ..Giving.
Conrad, this is REAL giving and unlike the spendfest that Christmas has become, it goes on all. year. I wish we had more of it.
Hands tell us so much. If you want to know a woman’s real age, don’t look at her face, look at her hands!
Grannymar´s last blog ..It was cold
Ramana, you may have noticed that compliments for me are not exactly universal, LOL!!!
GM, right on both counts. And, not just women! Every year, my skin becomes thinner. I think that soon I will become the Illustrated Man!
Conrad, This is a gorgeous post! It is far to easy for society (as a collective) to look down on the homeless or the poor, as if they are (literally) less valuable than a person who is homed or who is fortunate. I hear the word “lazy” thrown around quite a bit.
Martin Luther King said that it is ridiculous to tell a man to pull himself up by his bootstraps when he has no boots.
He also said that one of the major problems in society is suburban life. If one can get into a car and drive away from the poverty, then he isn’t forced to really see it, much less to understand it or want to help.
Ginger´s last blog ..Giving
Thank you, Ginger. Your comment about suburban life particularly hit home for me. We literally can – and do – drive away from the problem.