Doubts and Regrets
It is common to think that all lives are filled with doubts and regrets; for to err is human, to come to terms with oneself is to experience remorse for one’s actions, and too much is always unknown. Outside of religious faith, I had not become acquainted with anyone solidly asserting otherwise until I read in one of the Castaneda books that one of Don Juan’s teachings regarding the warrior’s path was to live WITHOUT doubts and regrets! I was intrigued, but could never quite resolve in my mind what it meant until …
During this phase of my life, I was doing a lot of meditation as well as having the adventures that make my mother cringe. Indeed, from the meditation itself many things emerged which were marvelous adventures in their own right; but this is a story of meditation’s good buddy, dreaming.
In the dream, I found myself sitting in the lotus position in what appeared to be an apartment in a high-rise building in the city. I was gazing peacefully out through a sliding glass door onto a balcony without rails, more like a ledge, that parted in something of a U shape from both sides of the door. Then I noticed something very interesting …
Emanating from me in two lines which headed toward the balcony were strings of the number two’s. I sat in puzzlement, for I knew this had meaning, for it was one of THOSE dreams. Maybe you’ve had them. A dream filled with meaning, vivid, more real than the waking world you came from. Between meditation and dreaming, it is hard to tell how long I observed these two long lines, the duality that held me in stasis.
Suddenly, without warning …
A man came dancing gaily past me, executing a light-footed jig as he went, obviously enjoying life to the hilt. As he went forward, I noticed that the number one’s continuously and dynamically appeared in a string before him – and that every one of his hopping, dancing, seemingly random steps landed squarely and lightly on a number one. He never missed, never guessed, never lost balance.
And the numbers unfolded before him and went right over the edge of the ledge!!! I watched him go right off the precipice, falling to his obvious death, yelling as he went. But, I noticed something a bit odd. His yell was not a yell of fear. It wasn’t even good acting and obviously not intended to be. It was that kind of mock fear sound you make when you are poking fun at someone!
He popped right back up on that ledge, doing a kind of yell in reverse and laughing at the same time. The one’s started unfolding before him once again. And, as he danced his jig back past me, he leaned over to say …
… I changed my mind!
That dream is reported as I experienced it and it has been my internal reference on the question since.
This piece is part of the continuing Blogger’s Consortium series with simultaneous posts on the topic being done by Anu, Ashok, gaelikaa, Ginger, Grannymar, Helen, Judy, Magpie 11, Maria and Ramana – give or take a few!
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Tags: Doubt, Dreamer, Meditation, Regret
There for a moment I thought that you were contemplating your navel as Grannymar accuses me of doing every morning. I am sure that your Mom must have also been very perceptive, just as I am. Not Lucy in the sky with the diamonds Con? Lucy sent me on a couple of those dreams too.
Rummuser´s last blog ..Doubts And Regrets.
Now I know I am odd. I NEVER had a dream like that!
Grannymar´s last blog ..Doubts and Regrets
Ramana, if I catch your implication, then you are incorrect on this. This had nothing whatsoever to do with drug enhancement if that is what you are after. I simply had a dream of a type that I have every so often.
Grannymar, I am sure that I am the odd one here. Oh, well.
So choose wisely of the paths offered and if necessary change course. We are ultimately responsible for ourselves. OK – I get that. But what a trip – literally – lol. Interesting clarity. Kinda the counterpoint to faith? or is this the have faith in your abilitry to change paths part?
Kinda reminds me of getting my bell rung on the football field.
Shackman, I followed the one’s to the writing of this piece, LOL. You interpretation is as good as any. It wasn’t received as an intellectual thing, it was something that I just experienced in astounding clarity as you put it.
To me, the meaning was that there is a level of perception available unused by most in our mundane description of the world and that we need not continuously dither with duality. There is a point where it can all come together.
That experience is most easily compared to those days on the athletic field when you are just “in the zone.” Everything flows, everything is effortless, a ball thrown goes precisely where you wish. The decision is a direct thing, unmediated. I know that you were an athlete at a high level and have experienced that.
This dream I took as an indication that life itself can be lived “in the zone.”
I have had plenty of dreams involving 0’s and 1’s, especially after a hard day of assembly language programming. But 2’s? This is really extraordinary.
Looney´s last blog ..
Looney, I can tell this one really weirded everyone out and they have no easy idea of what to do with it, LOL. When I awakened and sat to consider, the 2’s represented duality to me and the 1’s represented the singular vision. In my duality, I was doing nothing except contemplating. I needed to get off my ass and bring it to a singular focus – then go.
What was also of interest, was that the path extended forward only and disappeared as soon as trod upon. They did not extend backward.
Con,
For quite some time now I have been dreaming only of dead relatives as focal points. I’ve thought about it for a time and I think I dream of my dead relatives because I so rarely see my live relatives……you think? You’d think my friends would come into the picture some place but they don’t. Maybe I just miss them all…..some things are not to be figured out by mortals I guess…….then again, maybe I spend too much time dreaming and should get off the couch and get something done.
I don’t think you are on dope, lol.
Mom
Not knowing what was happening around you at that time of your life, it would be difficult to be wise and knowing, though you did say you were having an adventure that would make your Mom cringe. Usually dreaming of numbers denotes unsettled conditions, uneasiness and dissatisfaction. Laughing immoderately at some weird objects denotes disappointment and lack of harmony in your surroundings. To hear mocking laughter denotes illness and disappointing affairs. Some years back, I bought a book titled “10,000 dreams interpreted” Gustavus Hindman Miller. The reason I bought the book is because I kept having a dream where I would be flying a fighter jet, which isn’t really odd, but not only did I pilot the plane, I also felt exhilaration because I had guns and would shoot down other planes or anything in my way. I would awaken with my heart racing because I got into the mood so to speak, I throughly enjoyed shooting down whatever got in my way! I finally asked a friend of mine, who is also a therapist, what it meant. It was so simple, control! I felt that everything around me was falling apart, I felt I had no control over my life. That’s where the guns came into play, I was shooting down everything that I couldn’t control. Weird, huh? Good post!
Judy Harper´s last blog ..LBC-Doubts and Regrets
Uh, Mom – is that a hint about not seeing your living relatives? And, no, I’m not on dope – nor was I before or after this dream. It was honestly achieved, LOL.
Interesting interpretation, Judy. But, if you will read more closely, you will see that I was jokingly referring to having adventures plural that would make Mom cringe and I was referring to my adventures running down mountains, things like that.
While certainly less versed in the interpretations of dreams than Mr. Milller, I had the advantage of living within my own context, knew what ideas I had been contemplating and having immediate experience with the dream events and the impressions they left with me. My interpretation derived from my sense of it as I woke was:
1. The number two simultaneously streaming from me in two paths was symbolic of the limiting nature of duality. The two paths represented not so much choice as indecision, always seeing both sides of everything, leaving me with little impetus. The Teacher, on the other hand, was showing me another way, the way of awareness always brought to the moment, yielding a singular focus without blockage or hesitation. The disappearance of the ones represented the immediate letting go of the past experience and with them any regrets. It also represented the idea of every path becoming new, of never retracing one’s footsteps. The natural precision of the footsteps on the ones represented the precision of impeccability.
2. The mocking laughter was this individual (teacher)’s response to an unbeneficiall path and was given in a very humorous manner, almost like the over-the-top exaggerations of comedians. I would suppose, though, that falling off the ledge would be a disappointing affair for him, but probably in my mind represented the Fool from the Tarot, a symbol with which I was quite familiar. The fool is heading toward the cliff edge.
That was how it seemed – and seems – to me.
I really feel I should make some profound meaningful comment at this point but…….I can’t. My mind has gone absolutely blank for some reason. This post reminds me of when I was reading “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”. I couldn’t quite figure out what was going on but I never wanted it to end. It was like that now too, reading your post, Conrad…..
gaelikaa´s last blog ..Doubts and Regrets
No Con, I was not referring to my children not coming to see me. I know that you are doing what you need to do and I would not wish Kansas on anyone at this point in time. I really don’t have any close relatives that I would care to spend time with at this time…..I was just wondering why all of a sudden I miss all the ones that are gone and thinking that I’m not quite ready to join them yet.
Just my nutty side coming out during the cloudy times…or pain pills, lol.
Love ya, Mom
gaelikaa, you write some posts knowing that no one will be quite sure how to comment. Some are more for consideration than commentary, I think.
Mom, I’m not ready for you to go, either. I say the relatives need to just hold their horses.