Of course this would come in AFTER our piece on time travel.  The irony isn’t lost on me.  Then again, now that I’ve found it, maybe I can go back in time to the earlier piece and use this!

San Francisco, CA,  February 27, 2010:  Famed King Tutankhamun, boy King of Egypt, he of the foul cursing, has reportedly repented since it was discovered that he died from a leg infection and malaria, not as the result of a nefarious plot (nor even a Nefertitius plot), but instead a plot more of the garden variety.  It seems he was a bit embarrassed that it wasn’t a death more exotic.  To quote the King, speaking through Agnes Moredread (after everyone had successfully caused a table to rise and then bump around), “I felt kind of bad killing that guy who came into my tomb and then making that canary be eaten by the cobra and the dog drop over dead.  I mean, it just wasn’t very nice.  So, I have stopped cursing and hope to make it up to someone soon.”

Well, darned if he didn’t pull it off.  On the afternoon of the dangerous Chilean tsunami which generated a wave of .8 ft. along the Pacific Coastline where San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park meets the ocean, an intrepid pair of locals survived by spending the afternoon wandering through the park  somewhat aimlessly, enjoying it immensely.  This unlikely couple were Carol and Conrad Hake, better known as the parents of Carly Hake, international scholar.

After going to see the genuine Dutch Windmill, which Carol had always wanted to see, they wandered to the 55-acre Botanical Gardens, noting the irony that the only section seemingly incomplete and in disarray was the section of native California plants.  To quote Mrs. Hake, “It seems ironic at first … until you realize that this was the only section probably surrounded by plants of other lands and left simply as it was found.  By definition, anything growing there HAD to be a California plant.”  The Hakes have no further quotes after that, for they were found to actually be an uninteresting interview.

Wandering to the DeYoung Museum at 5:00 PM PST, they decided to check on the pricing of the King Tut exhibition taking place there.  Walking to the ticket desk, Mrs. Hake asked the attendant what the cost was of the exhibit.  The attendant replied, “Would you like to go in and see it now?”  She was told that, “no, we simply wish to know the pricing and the time schedule for another day.”  The Hakes had already spent $5.00 at the Botanical Gardens after all.

The attendant leaned over and spoke more slowly, perhaps thinking with some justification that the Hakes were not bright, saying, “No, you don’t understand.  Would you like to go see it right now, FOR FREE?  Someone did not pick up their tickets and we would like to give them to you.”  Bright or not, the Hakes homed in on the word FREE like it was Momma calling them in to dinner, and gladly accepted.

Now, I copy the ticket so that you may examine it:

Not only were the Hakes given two tickets, they were given two VIP passes!  The lines of people waiting to see the exhibit wound back and forth as they do in Disneyland; long lines, tiring lines.  But, being the VIP’s they were, the Hakes were ushered around the lines completely and taken directly into the exhibit.  Ten exhibit rooms of some of the most exquisite carvings, jewelry and furniture to be found anywhere!

Mr. Hake, who was thought to be mute to this point, was heard to exclaim as they disappeared into the night, “Thanks, Tut!  I owe you one!”

__________________________________________________

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How many of you have seen the Will and Grace show when Jack met Cher?  This clip is so funny, because Jack always imitated Cher – and you will see by the end of it how it fits in with our time travel theme.

Jack meets Cher

If I could turn back time … what the heck would I do with it?

I put this together with certain assumptions.  First, I assumed that I would not be visible to anyone in the circumstance, would not be able to interfere, just observe.  Second, I assumed I could not be harmed by events or the environment.  Third, I assumed I could place myself anywhere in space as easily as I could in time.  In other words, I would be kind of a ghost!

Then I decided to just start free associating.  My interests are always so eclectic, as anyone who has read this blog for awhile knows.  I knew that if I had this ability, I would have a large number of interests that would be continually changing.  In fact, what I can’t actually put in place here is how my next target would change depending upon the experience at the current and last place.

Also, note that none of my travel is to the future!  I would only want to learn things from he past … but I wouldn’t want to screw up my present by knowing anything of the future.  Besides, I think that any future would be a probable outcome anyway.

So, enough with the prelims.  Here is the list of times / places that flowed out of me.  And, let me tell you, this list would just grow and grow and …

• Go back to see how the pyramids were constructed!
• See if I could find Jesus, Joseph and Mary, John the Baptist, the Disciples.
• Check out the events surrounding Moses at various points!
• Check out the first humans at Olduvai Gorge.
• Go see the Founding Fathers, Washington, Jefferson, Franklin.
• Go to the School Book Depository in Dallas to see if Lee Harvey Oswald really did do it alone.  Also, I might have to multiply locate to the Grassy Knoll.
• Visit Einstein in his study at the point that he boiled the essence down to E=mc²
• Return to the Renaissance and watch Michelangelo at work on David, on the Sistine Chapel.
• Go to the moon to watch the first landing, the first steps.
• Watch Mozart and Beethoven compose.
• See how Shakespeare wrote and directed some of his plays.
• Watch Krakatau explode and Vesuvius erupt!
• Watch DaVinci painting the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper.
• Watch Babe Ruth and Satchel Paige, each in his prime.
• Watch and listen to Lincoln deliver the Gettysburg Address.
• Watch Orson Wells and crew create War of the Worlds for the radio.
• Go to China and observe the life and surroundings of Confucius.
• Go to old Tibet, with one of the early Dalai Lamas – or, at least the Dalai Lama in early incarnations – at the Potala.
• Check out some of my early ancestors in Germany and see, in about 1630, where Barthold Hake came from.  He lived in Hemeringen, ten miles from Hameln, but … before that we do not know.

And on and on.  Where would you go?  What would you want to see?

Only one of these two sitting here with Maynard is a bloodline descendent.  Guess which one!

Mayo, sorry to hear about the accident that took the pinky off your left hand, man.

This is becoming suspicious!

One month from today, we fly out from San Francisco. One month and two days from now, we arrive in Auckland. The day in between will be Easter for the rest of the world, but not for the Hakes this year. Easter will be lost at the International Date Line!

No coloring Easter Eggs with our granddaughter. No family meal. No sunrise church service … which we haven’t done in a few years anyway.

Worse, we leave in the spring, each day becoming longer and warmer. We arrive in the fall, each day becoming shorter and colder. And they want us to pay for this???

Well, don’t cry for me Art and Tina! How many of you have been to New Zealand? I am soliciting information and I know Maynard has some! What I want to know is what we HAVE to see, what you’ve seen, what is just WAY too exciting to miss. Here is a list of potential places Carly has for us so far:

• Auckland
• Rotorua – we already have reservations there and she wants to show us the adventures she had the first week.
• Abel Tasman National Park
• Tongariro National Park
• Franz Josef Glacier
• Milford Sound
• Christchurch
• Mt. Cook
• Queenstown

Other than using Google Earth and looking things up online, Carol and I know very little about NZ. So … input please!

Note: for those who would use this time to rob our house, Carol’s brother will be staying there so don’t even think about it!

Palace of Fine Arts

Not bad, if this editor works like it seems.  Especially for the price – FREE. But, it has the same exact problem as with Windows Live Writer – and I am not the first to suddenly be experiencing this.

This a different kind of text.

This is some quoted text.

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This is what the above looks like when sent from my editor right now:

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It was the summer of 1977 when my best friend and I decided to take advantage of Greyhound’s offer of travel to anywhere in America for $50.  I had been teaching all year and while working nine months, I was paid on a twelve-month basis.  When you are young that seems like free money.

So, we got on the bus in Topeka, Kansas and headed for California!  Let me recount for you, chronologically, all the things that happened.  Cross my heart, all of them are true:

• On the way to Denver, the guys behind us were smoking pot.  The bus driver kept thinking it was us, probably because we had hair down to there.  I was getting ready to give the driver what for when my friend informed me that he was “holding,” the term for having a drug or two in his possession, and that we should just let it go.  So we did.  And we were summarily kicked off the bus at the Denver Depot.  At midnight.
• In the bus depot, the manager told us that if we wanted to go to the bathroom, it was best to go together, since a guy had been murdered in the bathroom overnight a couple of weeks before.So, a guy came in and we smoked some really good pot with him out back.  We had to do something with our time.
• We decided that we should make even better use of our time, so we decided to get train tickets across the Rockies to our friends’ house in Grand Junction.  We were on the train by 6:00 – and if you’ve never taken a train across the Rockies, let me highly recommend it!  We would stand between the cars and hang out in the fresh air, taking in the gorgeous views.  Then we settled in a car that seemed really nice – only to find that it was really nice because it was the crew’s car.  But, they liked us and told us we could hang with them.  In return, we got them stoned in Grand Junction.
• In Grand Junction, we got back on the bus with the ticket from the original $50, if you can believe that.  We went to Salt Lake City, where I met a lovely lady with whom I made out all the way to San Francisco.  You need to do something on a bus to pass the time.
• She put us up in North Beach in San Francisco for a couple of days and I really think she and I could have made a go of it – except that I was moving on, she had her boyfriend returning to town and, unbeknownst to me, my future mate was only 25 miles away.  Anyway, that was when I fell in love with San Francisco!
• Traveled on the bus to Southern California.  Met up with my buddy’s distant cousins.  Did our laundry.  Spent some time with them.  They tried to convert us to their brand of Christianity.  So, we exchanged pleasantries, explained how tight our schedule was – of which there was actually nothing, of course – and moved on.
• Took the local bus with no destination in mind.  Decided totally on impulse – because, and I mean this sincerely, when we did that, something a whole lot greater than us guided with uncanny precision, a concept a bit foreign to my buddy’s relatives – to get off at a hole we saw in the fence.  Went through the hole to the beach below.  Found out it was named Capistrano Beach, put down our sleeping bags … and found out later that this was a contested stretch of beach and thus was the only beach in Southern California you could sleep on without fear of reprisal.  Thank you, GREATER POWER!
• While we are staying on the beach, learning to harvest grunion, and partying in general (we were very popular, because we brought no expectations and just joined in), we sleep through a woman having a domestic argument, being shot, trying to run away and being hit by a train that ran by the beach.  She was OK after some patching up in the morning, because people who sleep on the beach seem to be pretty damn hardy, and my buddy and I helped her patch it up with her husband the next day.  We were very good at listening.
• Deciding to take a bus for a quick jaunt, we find a movie we’ve never heard of, go to the first Star Wars movie.  Walked up just in time to be in the front of the line … of course.  The Force was definitely with us and the movie made a crapload of sense.  Dude, we lived like that!
• Take another bus trip to the LA area and miss a connection.  No problem, because even the screw-ups workout for the two of us.  We notice that we are across the street from Disneyland (I’ll be damned!) so, my buddy, who always seems to have an endless supply of something, wheels out some mushrooms to munch and we go get tickets.  Wow!  It really IS the magic kingdom!
• Near the end of the day, out of the blue we meet up with a girl we know from Kansas.  This is a girl whose parents  have decided I am bad for her and that she is not to see me anymore.  We REALLY like each other.  Neither of us had any idea that the other was going to California, let alone anything else.  So, we go back to the Whalers Inn to talk and make out.
• Time to meet up with my buddy’s brother in Tucson.  We head back, find that Hell is actually cooler, but somehow find a place that we can stay for a bit.  I sleep in the basement the first night – and … the wall opens up for me with no chemical assistance whatsoever and I see things that Moses could relate to.  Next morning, I tell my mates that I am not sleeping down there again!
• Head to Durango, have adventures in mountains a bit, sleep on a mountainside – you know, regular stuff.
• Well, it is time to head home.  Now, we split into different groups and I am with my buddy’s brother, definitely one of my best friends in the universe these days, a guy I will be calling Saturday.  But, he and I can’t get a ride hitchhiking for anything.  However, we are picked up by a forest firefighter who is having all his animals and his wife shelling out new little beings.  This guy is magical!  He puts us up in a bedroom to sleep in paper firefighter sleeping bags on a floor that goes right out the window to a patio that he built on a second story into the trees.  Wow!
• We can’t get a ride together for anything.  So, we split up and decide that might help.  It does, but I get caught at the end of a day in Limon, Colorado in a rain storm and sleep overnight under a park bench.  I’m really starting to feel ridden hard and put away wet at this point, but I haven’t been put away quite yet.  Sheesh!  Cop wakes me up, makes me move on.  Later, I find that Mom had to pay a $12 fine for me sleeping there.
• Finally get the remainder of the rides home that I need.  Or, at least close enough that my folks can pick me up.  I have … and this is no exaggeration … 4 cents in my pocket!

That is the wildest adventure of my youth!  But, I still have a few others to relate to you.  Uh … quite a few!

It started so innocently.  Walking hand-in-hand to school in New Zealand.  Then, he mentioned that as low as his backpack rode, he might as well just get a Fanny Pack and be done with it.

She left him … alone, puzzled …

Now, for the story behind the story!  Carly has just gone through an orientation in New Zealand.  They speak English in New Zealand and use most of the same words we do in America.  But, a lot of the words don’t have the same meaning.

You don’t say you are “rooting for your team,” because that means you are having sex with them.

And, “fanny” is the slang term for vagina in New Zealand.  One of the American girls from an earlier group went to a store in Auckland and told the clerk she was looking for a Fanny Pack – which, in America, is a backpack that rides at the top of the derriere and attaches around the waist – so the clerk puzzled for a bit, never having heard the term, and returned with two boxes.  One was Kotex and the other was Tampax, for he was unsure which the girl meant!

In New Zealand, the bag she wanted was a “Bum Bag.”

That makes me wonder how many things I put on this blog that are totally misinterpreted by my international readers.